I’m currently waiting for my iPhone to finish updating. I am so excited for this update and it’s so cool that it’s finally here! I am currently next to my mom typing on my new laptop. The damn scroll bar keeps disappearing. I want to be honest. I did not do well on my midterm. I psyched myself out, studied too much and it all hurt and sucked. I am now locked into learning Differential Equations and it’s going to be hard as hell. I need to go look at those previous exams. I need to do my homework twice. Have you ever worked your hardest at something you didn’t like? That you didn’t want to do? Well I do want to do them. I want to do them and get an A in this class so I can say I did. When I stare at a differential equation I can look at it and know that no one I am close with knows how to do what I am doing. That feels so good but if that is the only thing keeping me in my Astrophysics major and keeps me struggling hard core through these quicksand-like math classes, then I don’t think I will make it through two more years. I’m having a mid-college crisis. My major (although supposed to be firm, set and locked) has been thrown up in the air once again by my endless over thinking and difficult mathematic discouragement.
I also have looked hard in myself and come to terms with the fact that I want to be famous just like everyone else. Politics maybe? What am I willing to work hard at? Efficiency?
By the way, Happy Birthday to the one and only John Mayer. I hope your throat condition is much better and that Born and Raised will blow Battle Studies right out of the water (though I was hoping that would happen this year, waiting is something I need to grow familiar with). I will always love you for what you have given me… in the 00’s.
Anyways, I am open to suggestions from the people around me about what they think I would be good at because I bet you wouldn’t have said Astrophysics…
People, I lay in bed for 3 hours this morning, in and out of sleep. I had nap dreams of my fish being locked in my little earring treasure chest, of trailer parks and old friends, of joining a group not knowing what it was in the middle of a brown forest, of swimming in a house where I babysat some kid but some of my friends were there and they were all mad at me. When I went to swim, they let me get bitten by a leech. It was a huge one on my hand and I felt it sucking the blood out and I waited until it felt like it took a break from sucking and that’s when I pulled it out. It was slimy and clung to my hand but I finally unhooked it and saw the marks where it had punctured my skin. I climbed out of the pool to find my friends were gone and the parents of the kid I was babysitting had come home and gaped at me when they saw me getting out of their lake-like pool. I brushed off their stares like I never could have in reality and turned around to see the lake-like pool had drained and that my friends had thrown my clothes into where the deep end had been seconds before. I had to climb back down into the empty pool and get my stuff. I woke up and my hand was behind my head. I couldn’t feel it and I dragged it over my face like a drunk. I could only feel the hand on my face not the face under my hand. I flopped the useless hand around until I felt the blood surge painfully back into it as if it were new molten lava in old lava tubes. It stung and ached as I rested it on my stomach and then fell into sleep again.
Mistletoe by Justin Bieber will be so damn good. Miley Cyrus is hot. Is my iPhone freaking done yet!?